My Favorite Blassic Sitcom: Vol 6.24 The Jamie Foxx Show "We Got No Game"
The Dream Team if it was a nightmare...
One of my favorite negro national pastimes is the intensity and competitiveness of exhibition basketball, or more simply known as the pickup game. Stakes are high precisely because they’re completely made up. This one is for the 40 year old’s who still wear gym shorts under their street clothes in case a nigga wanna get crossed up real quick. But hol’ up:
Featured Sitcom - Season 3, episode 8 of The Jamie Foxx (November 12, 1998)
Streamed on Max
Context for the Casual
This episode was chock full of references for people who remember when fitness influencers put out DVDs:
Uncle Junior affectionately referred to the peewee players as his little “Dream Team.”
Considered by many to be the greatest basketball team ever assembled, the aptly named “Dream Team” was the USA Olympic basketball team in 1992. This was the first Olympic team to feature current NBA players, and they were tasked with re-establishing national dominance after an “embarrassing” bronze finish in ‘88. Enter Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Charles Barkley, and all their greatest contemporaries. The ‘92 team went on to sweep their way to gold with an average margin of victory of 44 points!
Gary Payton/The Glove
Best known for his time with the Seattle Supersonics, NBA Hall of Famer Gary Payton was a 9-time All-Star, 9-time All-NBA, and 9 time defensive player of the year. The latter of which earned him the nickname of “The Glove.”
“Sprewell nonsense”
I’ll go to my grave thinking some niggas just like to fight. Latrell Sprewell, a former NBA player who gained prominence in the 90s and early 2000s, had multiple violent incidents in his career. This included getting in fights with teammates and threatening them with weapons like a two-by-four or a gun. But no incident is more infamous than a 1997 basketball practice where Sprewell responded to his coach’s criticism by dragging him by his throat and choking him until he was restrained. He went back to the locker room, took a lil shower, and 20 minutes later, ATTACKED THE COACH AGAIN! Anyways, the NBA suspended him for the rest of the season without pay.
Nelson told Gary Payton Jamie was gonna “Bust yo ass like Jordan did!”
In 1996, Payton’s Supersonics lost to Jordan’s record-setting 72-10 Bulls in the NBA Finals, four games to two. Although Payton played well, his performance was eclipsed by Finals MVP Michael Jordan leading the Bulls to their fourth championship in his tenure.
The Zany Premise
Rec-league rejects revolt!
While coaching a peewee basketball team, Jamie agrees to the 2-on-2 game of his life against opposing coach and NBA hall of famer Gary Payton. All he needs is an NBA-sized teammate on less than a week’s notice. The situation is so dire that he enlists Fancy’s friend, the proto-IG baddie, Cherise, to put a word in with one of her NBA paramours.
Lesson learned
Are the kids alright?
It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that kids sports are supposed to be about the development of the kids. But as this episode exemplifies, egos do what they do, and all of a sudden, you fighting proxy wars through prepubescent combatants. Amateur sports have taken on a more intense character in the last few decades, with kids being scouted for college and the pros as young as middle school.
This kind of adoration, expectation, and para-social attention would negatively impact anyone, so I invite us to consider what that’s like for someone who isn’t legal drinking age. Young athletes like Kobe, Lebron, KG, and currently Caitlin Clark have gotten the worst end of this. We’d do well to remember people need time time to “bake” before we start devouring them.
The episode’s 2-on-2 game ended with a basketball bouncing off Jamie’s head and into the net because of course. In the end, they agreed Gary’s “penalty” for losing would be getting the “Junior Kings” some better uniforms, equipment, shoes, and whatever else NBA money could buy. All’s well that spends well.
What’s it like from the future?
Ballers wanna be actors, actors wanna be ballers…
I love watching Black child actors who are actually children. Almost everything you see kids in now is Euphoria adjacent or a traumatic documentary. Abbott Elementary is a notable exception, but outside of them, you have to go all the way back to this golden era of sitcoms to see Black kids in dialogue roles. It’s notably difficult to keep kids safe in Hollywood, but I admire seeing well-protected young people getting opportunities to hone their craft.
Favorite Jokes
Uncle Junior: “How’s my little dream team doing?”
Nelson: “Still dreaming about a win.”
Braxton: “Are you trying to bribe me with a $20?
Jamie: “Actually I need $15 back.”
Jamie (to kids): “I need dedication. I need aspiration. I need determination. And most of all, I got to have… um, basketball-ication.
One of the kids: “Coach, I don’t think that’s a real world.”
Jamie: “Woman, you not here to think. You here to win!”
Jamie: “If all this stuff doesn’t work, Fancy, we need you to distract em… get naked!”
Fancy: “Jamie- in your dreams!”
Jamie: “I told you bout that?”
Lowbrow Lowdown
Simplicity is felicity
In April’s newsletter, I told you to go outside. In this edition, I’d like to humbly apologize for speaking too soon. The other day I tried soaking up the sun, and instead I was soaked by my own sweat. And I was sitting! Under a awning! Beyond unsuccessful porch outings, here’s how I kept it simple this month:
Sweated out my worries in the middle of a workday by taking a stroll through the nearby Botanical Gardens.
Patronized the market of a local Black-owned farm even though I don’t like vegetables like that.
Got my first Costco card and my 1000th assortment of potato chips. I deserve a lifetime supply.
Started The Never-Ever-Mets and witnessed a domestic incident on night one.
The Boys are back! And quite literally more fucked up than ever.
Acknowledgment
Kobe was my absolute favorite player growing up. Watching him when he was in the zone was a transcendent experience. At the time when he was drafted, he Bryant was the youngest person to ever play in the NBA, a record only two people have surpassed and not nearly as well. His legacy is at once complicated and undeniable.
But this acknowledgement is not about Kobe, the player. I’m just telling y’all how we met.
Post-career Kobe gave my adult self a different ethos to aspire to. One that arguably contradicts his more famous mamba mentality. The Kobe I saw coaching youth basketball, supporting the women’s game more than any NBA player up to that point, and being a dad seemed altogether different from the man I watched terrorize opposing defenders. He was growing up and grown. So I guessed I could do that too.
In addition to in-game moments, I have a couple pictures in my room of Kobe and Lebron just being dads/family men. I put them near my desk to remind myself that even when I’m at the top of my game in my chosen field, the people in my life matter more.
You never dreamed I’d leave you in summer, huh…
And I won’t, baby! Still here every last Monday. Helping you push through. Vol. 7.29 coming soon.